Bullshit "customized" apps advertised on Facebook (&c.)

Prior: “You’re not lazy. Your brain just needs a different system.”

I keep encountering these ads on Facebook, for, whatever, ADHD planners or Xennial home organization apps or ... They state they're based on research from Stanford or MIT or Harvard or ... [], and that they’ll build a solution tailored for whatever it is that makes you unique. The sales pitch always starts with some sort of shame-type thing but then moves quickly to “it’s not your fault - you didn’t fail the system, the system failed you! It wasn’t built for a brain that grew up analog and transitioned to digital.” If you take the bait you’re funneled to a set of “diagnostic questions” and then the processing theater (“Analyzing your responses … 37% … creating your individualized plan … 72% …”). Then email capture and the dark patterns - the free trial but high monthly cost - slashed in half if you buy before the fake counter reaches zero ... or the relatively low “monthly” cost paid every six months or ... 

I captured two examples just today, both seem to be different spins on the “Aligned” platform (an “AI Coach & Planner”) by Kodree, Inc., a courseware provider (formerly known as Knowely, apparently):

• An “app” built by a “girl at Harvard” that will provide a personalized house cleaning plan to guide your ADHD brain to a clean home. Creates a “Personal Cleaning Plan.”
• This one’s packaging probably the same app but pitching it to “former gfted [sic] kids” struggling with “task paralysis, functional freeze, executive dysfunction” &c., and also leans on a purported Harvard connection for validity. Creates a “personal daily plan.”

I was trying to find the words to describe this phenomenon, and I think I have it mostly contained:

• First, the ad, that drops you into the funnel. “Frame the link around a question or a benefit, not the word "quiz", for example "Find out which plan fits your team" converts better than "Take our quiz"”https://fluotest.com/en/blog/how-to-build-a-quiz-funnel Most I’ve seen have a very effective problem-agitation-validation sales frame: remove shame, establish an in-group-specific problem, then position this product as the first one designed for that special problem. 
• There’s also a lot of “using science to sell apps,” trading on the appeal of higher end institutions like Harvard, Stanford, Yale, etc.
• Quiz funnel or “web-to-app funnel,” this is the part that “uses a sequence of multiple-choice questions to qualify users, collect personalization data, and build emotional investment before presenting a paywall or app download prompt.” They are reportedly “the dominant web2app funnel type across health, wellness, astrology, and personality app categories.” “By the time a user reaches the paywall, they have spent 2-5 minutes answering personal questions, received a ‘personalized’ result, and psychologically committed to the outcome.” (All quotes pulled from Web2AppWorld.) Advantages include:
• Personalization as value creation. Each quiz question makes the result feel more tailored. By the time the paywall appears, users believe they’re getting a plan built specifically for them — making a generic subscription feel bespoke.
• Sunk cost through quiz investment. Every question answered is another reason not to quit. The longer the quiz, the harder it becomes to walk away without seeing what’s behind the paywall.
• You’ll also probably encounter identity-based social proof, like this example in the “girl from Harvard” example above: “140,547 women aged 18–25 already use Aligned to manage their home!” Digging into this aspect:
• “Social proof from users with a similar profile.” (FunnelFox: Creative testing for web2app funnels - this article is really worth reading, it digs into the psychological manipulation a bit: “Consider a meditation app running two campaigns in parallel—one targeting users dealing with chronic stress, one targeting users who struggle with sleep. Both audiences are valuable, but they arrived with different needs and expectations. A funnel built for the stress audience will underperform for the sleep audience, and vice versa. Building two funnel versions that each reflect the right angle is not a large investment. The conversion difference is.”)
• “This is the entire first screen: a count, a qualifier, a photograph, a Continue button. No question, no menu of goals, no scrolling. What makes it work is the second line rather than the first — “in their 40s already tried a BetterMe” cuts a company-wide total down to the slice of it that resembles the person holding the phone. A visitor in her forties is not being asked to be impressed by a large number; she is being told that people her age already did this. That is a different and much smaller claim, and a much easier one to believe.” (FunnelsGrove: Where does social proof go, and what should the number say? (emphasis added))
• A specific instance analysis of a campaign with “various social proof touchpoints.” (Web2AppWorld: Simple Funnel Breakdown: How a Walking App Converts Women 40+ With a 52-Screen Quiz)
• This is followed by processing theater: “The animated results-building sequence between quiz completion and paywall is not decorative — it’s conversion architecture. A 10-15 second “computing your results” animation makes the output feel personalized and valuable.”
• Then it's time for the email capture. Now you’re a “lead,” and the email prompt is carefully placed in the pocket, where the user “has invested every tap they're going to invest, the result is right there, and the email is the last step between them and it. Value built, payoff pending.”

You are the new lead...

• The results teased will be “personalized,” with varying degrees of effort / revenue impact. “The most effective personalization feels effortful and specific. ‘Based on your 12 responses, we’ve created a plan for women aged 30-35 with moderate activity levels who want to improve energy’ is more convincing than ’Here’s your plan.’”
• Then it’s time for the dark patterns (which have of course extended into the digital space). A fake/evergreen “SALE ENDS IN 09:43,” crossed-out reference price, carefully structured trial with auto-renewal / buried recurring charge, etc. (I’ve written about these before.) At one point, the FTC was ramping up enforcement against this sort of thing, but how much of that survived into the current administration I can’t say.

All of the above is concisely summarized in this presentation: Wisey ADHD Funnel Breakdown: How This Consumer App App Converts With a Quiz Funnel Key words describing the mechanisms at play include “personalization,” “sunk cost,” “social proof,” “processing theater,” and “commitment escalation.”

There’s a whole industry selling these templates. E.g., FunnelFox.

So, uh, yeah. They suck, and this is all starting to feel very dystopian. Very “20 minutes into the future.” At least they don’t make our heads explode.

Network 23’s board of directors would have approved.